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apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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