As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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