what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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