alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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