I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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