I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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