At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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