I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
