hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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