I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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