I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
