ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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