Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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