We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
