But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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