good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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