just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
