you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
