I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
