I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
