Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
