There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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