I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
