They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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