I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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