happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
not ubering you a puppy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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