I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry my hands just texted you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
