the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
