ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
