We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
