life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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