Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
