i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
