I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
