I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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