I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
