My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
smell my finger.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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