Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
