If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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