I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
