She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
