You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
