Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
