whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
