i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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