Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
