I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we're making bets on your personal life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
