You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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