i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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