Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
