my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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