ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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