Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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