Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
