Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
