I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my sisters under your porch take her home
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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