I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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