I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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