just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
