I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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