Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
