Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
