my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
