Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
