If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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