I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
