Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
