You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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