I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
