Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
