john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
