you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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