its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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