it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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