She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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